I’m excited about this new blog. At least I was lastnight when I wrote up some notes for it. I haven’t been able to archive my old work, but you should know by now where to find it – it’s there if you care!
I tend to write notes for my blogs during the days leading up to a post, and those notes tend to be written in shorthand. I am a third year student journalist, but I will probably not be posting any journalistic work on this site; this blog is purely for use as something between a diary and a means of seeking attention.
As a journalist, I realise that I am writing for a different audience than my MySpace blog. There, I was essentially writing in-jokes for friends who were in-the-know. At most, I was writing for strangers who (for some reason) fancied me, and possibly stalked me online. Here, I hope to carry on some of my old readers – who should be by now completely sick of my introductory notes and rehashed posts – as well as pick up some new strangers from the red-light-district that is Google. Please visit more than once, I don’t like one-night-stands and am as sick of them online as I am in real life.
“I don’t have sex, I have transactions.” – Me
Anyway, my last post essentially dealt with the fact that I am not very motivated. I am an amateur singer, guitarist, pianist, painter, writer and blogger, et cetera, et cetera; yet I don’t produce a lot of “things” (as I referred to them last time). However, after the post, I seemed to become more motivated – the fact that I created this new blog site after becoming totally disenchanted-to-the-point-of-never-posting-anything-ever-ever-ever with MySpace is testament to my renewed motivation. I also wrote a half decent song, Catharsis, which I recorded straight after writing, and have uploaded to youtube. Check it out here! At the same time, I have been watching a lot of videos made by musician MusicFromBlueSkies, who is just excellent. My only problem with him – and it is a huge problem – is that he is way, way better than me. And as you may have read, I just cannot handle that.
That’s one of the big paradoxes when it comes to one’s online life – it is both empowering, in that you can display talent, but at the same time, there is always someone way, way better than you. So you’re empowered, then shot down, and because you have been empowered, the fall is greater. I can fully and honestly admit that I am both addicted to the internet, and completely disappointed by what it has given back to me. I fully believed – and still believe – that my old posts were worth far more than the response they were given. But that’s just my ego.
There’s another big paradox of the internet: we are connected globally, but in fact, looking at the tiny sub-groups which form online – in chat rooms, blog sites, even youtube – we just join a set of small communities. Hardly anything is universal online. Only very few blogs such as BloodBus and Perez Hilton (whom I refuse to link here) have mass appeal. I guess the only way to be satisfied with one’s online identity is to realise that you are at the bottom of the pile and have to blog your way out – then Darwinism and hegemony kick in, which kicks 95% of us in the butt.
Because, as I just said in the most long-winded fashion, noone is likely to read, lest enjoy, this blog, I may as well cut the tangent short and continue with my scant introduction. I work in a fancy-ass restaurant with some of the most wonderful people I have ever met, yet – another paradox – I make less than minimum wage and hate 95% of the customers and, at times, wish to kick them in the butt – mainly because Darwinism and hegemony attempted a punt each, but missed their backsides. Because of this, I think it is about time to move on. I also want to get my own flat – as I live with my crazy mum and she is, well, crazy – and do one more year at university.
Closer to present, I need to but a new mobile phone. I have been without a mobile for 5 days now, and it is so strange not to be able to contact everyone and anyone at the touch of a button. I needed a new phone, since I have a real knack for breaking technology, so I’m not too broken up about that. The real problem is that I don’t have my contact numbers! Also, the method of losing the phone poses a problem, since it was because I had them in the pocket of my skinny jeans on the bus. Sitting + skinny jeans = lost items. Add a bus to the equation and you’ll never get said items back.
That’s in real life, anyway. Online has been far less bleak. I have had so much free time since I took a hiatus from blogging, and although I usually hate every single person in the Guardian’s G2 style page – where some random prick art student from Brighton or whatever is quizzed about their left-wing fashion ideals and revels in how much money they spent on a fucking pair of shoes – but the other week, I was inspired by them. Some woman from Glasgow was rambling on – between the price of her shoes and how amazing her expensive scarf was – about how she buys clothes from London boutiques via the internet. Many of them, apparently, sell their wares over eBay and their own sites.
“Yes!” I thought, and off I went to find clothes that would make me blend seamlessly with The Kooks (I plan to join said band, whether they like it or not).
Now, you would think that by now, I would have given some shiny hyperlink texts with flashy London-boutique-esque names in them, after revelling in their wonderful silks and nylons. No. No, it didn’t work out that way. In fact, I gave up pretty quickly on the London boutique idea, since every single one I looked at only seemed to sell intriguing but highly impractical SKINNY JEANS. Oh the irony! Oh the mocking pastiche of real life seeping out of my cathode-ray-toaster-machine!
Sometimes, I’m genuinely glad that although they are a window to a second world, computers come with an off switch. Jesus…