Dear Ginger Chris,
I am your biggest fan. Ever since you started contributing blogs to MySpace, I have been in awe of your writing style, sense of humour, hair (not really), your ability to whore yourself out to a mass audience and, if I’m honest, the way you attract more readers than me. Loyal, loving readers, who encouraged you to become the internet’s greatest vlog-comedian (or “vlogmedian”. Or “vlogian” maybe? How about “vegan”? “Virgin”? Internet’s greatest “virgin”?). I have also been wildly impressed by your HTML skills. And probably other acronym-related computer skills which I have never even heard of.
This is why I am dismayed by your most recent blogs. You appear to have lost – for one thing – the will to write. That, buddy, is just not on. This is WordPress. This is the big, bad world. Now get yourself out there; and write; and spread the word; spread the laughter; spread that ginger joy; and follow defamation laws as strictly as possible, because people can find you on Google now… This isn’t like MySpace, who shat in our breakfast, Tori Amos style,* and never allowed people to Google us.
*Mid-sentence disclaimer: This is yet another old-skool style sleep-deprivation blog, like the good old days, so I don’t give a shit about how inappropriate or surreal my allusions are, or whose breakfast I shit in.
Uh, yeah, anyway, the point of this letter was something to do with me telling you how
cool your site is, and how I really like what you’ve done with the place. I like everything about it, from the snappy writing to the ginger hyperlinks. Especially the one which leads here.
Yeah, so I hope that you take my messy, half-baked advice and encouragement on board, whatever it was. Also, Ginger Chris, I hope that by jamming your name into my blog as many times as I possibly can, I will have your audiences flocking to my page from Google. I particularly hope I get that “chicks who piss themselves” guy, he seems like my kind of preferred reader. I bet he bookmarks.
Also, I would like to put in a complaint, perhaps to Ofcom, about how people still refer to my blog colloquially as “Los Davies’ Blog”. It is actually Pisomojado. Piso mojado is Spanish for wet floor. For some reason, I use it as a term for getting really, really, hospital-worthy wasted. Read into the English translation all you like. Anyway, this site would be found at pisomojado.co.uk, but that fell through. Much like you, Ginger Chris, I bought the domain name. I managed to set it up so that it would, you know, be a functional blog; but that didn’t work. My point here is, Ginger Chris, that I am a technical retard and you are better than me, ok? Better than me! Try it! You see?? I bought the site, linked it to my MySpace; then essentially lost the keys. At least when you spend money on a website, you don’t fuck it up completely.
Love, love, love,
Pisomojado. (formerly Los Davies’ Blog, formerly Davie: the literate blogger’s answer to Courtney Love)
PS – I was thinking of doing one of those old-skool (there’s that term again!) “top ten” blogs. I thought you might like to know in advance so you could steal it from me – like you did with that “oh, dude, check out what people are googling to find me” blog – but people won’t know you stole it, and they’ll think I stole it and, like, shit.