An Open Letter To Ginger Chris

Dear Ginger Chris,

I am your biggest fan. Ever since you started contributing blogs to MySpace, I have been in awe of your writing style, sense of humour, hair (not really), your ability to whore yourself out to a mass audience and, if I’m honest, the way you attract more readers than me. Loyal, loving readers, who encouraged you to become the internet’s greatest vlog-comedian (or “vlogmedian”. Or “vlogian” maybe? How about “vegan”? “Virgin”? Internet’s greatest “virgin”?). I have also been wildly impressed by your HTML skills. And probably other acronym-related computer skills which I have never even heard of.

This is why I am dismayed by your most recent blogs. You appear to have lost – for one thing – the will to write. That, buddy, is just not on. This is WordPress. This is the big, bad world. Now get yourself out there; and write; and spread the word; spread the laughter; spread that ginger joy; and follow defamation laws as strictly as possible, because people can find you on Google now… This isn’t like MySpace, who shat in our breakfast, Tori Amos style,* and never allowed people to Google us.

*Mid-sentence disclaimer: This is yet another old-skool style sleep-deprivation blog, like the good old days, so I don’t give a shit about how inappropriate or surreal my allusions are, or whose breakfast I shit in.

Uh, yeah, anyway, the point of this letter was something to do with me telling you how 
cool your site is, and how I really like what you’ve done with the place. I like everything about it, from the snappy writing to the ginger hyperlinks. Especially the one which leads here.

Yeah, so I hope that you take my messy, half-baked advice and encouragement on board, whatever it was. Also, Ginger Chris, I hope that by jamming your name into my blog as many times as I possibly can, I will have your audiences flocking to my page from Google. I particularly hope I get that “chicks who piss themselves” guy, he seems like my kind of preferred reader. I bet he bookmarks.

Also, I would like to put in a complaint, perhaps to Ofcom, about how people still refer to my blog colloquially as “Los Davies’ Blog”. It is actually Pisomojado. Piso mojado is Spanish for wet floor. For some reason, I use it as a term for getting really, really, hospital-worthy wasted. Read into the English translation all you like. Anyway, this site would be found at pisomojado.co.uk, but that fell through. Much like you, Ginger Chris, I bought the domain name. I managed to set it up so that it would, you know, be a functional blog; but that didn’t work. My point here is, Ginger Chris, that I am a technical retard and you are better than me, ok? Better than me! Try it! You see?? I bought the site, linked it to my MySpace; then essentially lost the keys. At least when you spend money on a website, you don’t fuck it up completely.

Love, love, love,

Pisomojado. (formerly Los Davies’ Blog, formerly Davie: the literate blogger’s answer to Courtney Love)

PS – I was thinking of doing one of those old-skool (there’s that term again!) “top ten” blogs. I thought you might like to know in advance so you could steal it from me – like you did with that “oh, dude, check out what people are googling to find me” blog – but people won’t know you stole it, and they’ll think I stole it and, like, shit.

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One response to “An Open Letter To Ginger Chris

  1. I think I may have actually cried while reading this. Thank you for this open letter. It fills me with such happiness and warmth. Partly because the lovely sentiments you’ve put across have inspired me, and partly because your blog has an infinitely greater readership than mine and I need this extra exposure.

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